Michelle Obama has revealed in 2022 that there have been times in her 30 year marriage that she found she was really struggling She said that there were 10 years she “couldn’t stand” her husband Barack. The former first lady, 58, opened up about the realities of marriage, and the ups and downs most couples face, during a conversation with Revolt TV back in 2022 , where she revealed that the decade-long struggle in her relationship began shortly after the birth of the couple’s two daughters, Sasha, 21, and Malia, 24. Adding “I mean, you could be mad at him, but do you still look at him and go: ‘I’m not happy with you, but I respect you. I don’t agree with you, but you’re still a kind, smart person,’” she said, before noting “feelings are going to change over time,” and that that is when couples need to put work into their relationships”. This week we heard from her husband Barak. While Barack, shared his negative views on Trump’s presidency, and rebuked his tariff announcement, he also admitted that he has been in what he called “a deep deficit with my wife”. So when do you stick it out and when is it time to call it a day? Perhaps we haven’t got the stamina of Michelle Obama to hang in there for 10 years. Perhaps she overcame a really big obstacle in terms of “feelings” with the more practical aspects of Love And Trust And Respect:
LOVE: Most of us think of love as a feeling. Love could be said to be both a feeling and a behaviour. Do you or your partner try to practice loving acts on a daily basis? Is love demonstrated through acts of kindness, affection, generosity, self-sacrifice, understanding and empathy, support and encouragement? This could be about sharing washing up duties or it could be about something much bigger – I will work while you pursue a college course.
TRUST: Our closest relationships – our love relationships – will only develop into stable, satisfying unions when there is basic trust in the attachment. Can you rely on your partner to be honest, loving, and to be faithful to the relationship can they do the same with you? If there is a lack of trust do you think that could be due to prior life experiences?
RESPECT: Do you sense of positive regard for each other? It sounds like even when things were hard Michelle really did have that. This is often a crucial aspect of a relationship that we ignore at our peril. When partners become contemptuous of each other relationships can become very toxic and unhealthy.
But it is also worth noting that Michelle also said “I would take 10 bad years over 30. It’s just how you look at it.” Perhaps Michelle always knew that the hard times although lengthy were not permanent and had faith in herself and her husband that they would make it through to the other side. Its certainly worth considering.
(Sources: Sources: The Independent 9th April 2025 and The Relationship Centre Of South Florida Relationship Distress “10 Reasons to Stick With This Relationship By Richard Loebl”)