Many couples avoid ending a relationship near Christmas because they prefer to spare themselves and (possibly their families or kids) the added dimension of the backdrop of the so called “Season To Be Jolly”. Unfortunately though as Psychologist and couples counsellor Stephen Betchen points out , “some partners wish to make a statement”. (Source: 5 Reasons Why People Break Up Over the Holidays Stephen J. Betchen D.S.W. https://www.psychologytoday.com) And perhaps there is no better way to express rage or disdain than to end a relationship at a time when intimacy and being together with loved ones is supposed to be at an all-time high. It is always sad when you hear of your friend’s heartache over an unwanted break up but if they add “And it was three days before Christmas” that adds an extra intensity to the feelings of loss and pain.
So how can we navigate this time of loss and tears when many people around us are dancing around with tinsel and in a completely different emotional space?
Perhaps the first thing we can do is take a moment to absorb that this year’s “festive season” is not going to easy and with that in mind make being kind or patient with ourselves a priority.
We talk to ourselves more than we talk to any other person. It’s not possible to overestimate the power of speaking kindly and positively to yourself, just as you would to a friend. Think about how you would talk to a friend going through this kind of suffering – would you have a more compassionate approach to them than you do to yourself. Can you manage to focus on some of your strengths rather than start adding up areas that you struggle in? Try treating yourself the same way you would a friend you love perhaps just for half an hour – and see if that makes a difference.
Secondly, use the support of your friends. This is the time to really reach out to people who know you and ask for their support. Sure, they may be involved in Christmas parties but true friends will make time for a coffee and a chat – or a facetime with a cuppa. Don’t try and navigate the first few days or weeks on your own.
Finally, try not to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. That might not come for a while. Instead try and focus on little bits of light and goodness around you. That hug from your Bestie, the kind way someone spoke to you in the meeting, the warmth of your cat. “Look for those pinpricks of light breaking through in the darkness. Sometimes, the best way to cope is to focus on getting through the next hour in front of you, and then the next hour, holding on to the light around you, not just waiting for the dark time to end”. (Source: How to survive a Christmas breakup: the ultimate guide for your mental health https://thedailybrit.co.uk/)