Teddy Swims seems to understand the impact a toxic relationship can have on us in his interview with the BBC when he says “I’ve learned that love doesn’t have to be this thing of high highs and low lows – fighting and pulling teeth just to stay together” (BBC News website 22.1.2025)
There can be an addictive nature to relationships where there are so many cycles of intense high and desperate lows. How can we tell though if a relationship has turned toxic? Here are some clues from an article by Kelly E Green on Toxic Relationships:
- You spend more time feeling hurt by that person than feeling good about them.
- You often feel guilty or ashamed of the way you act toward that other person.
- You don’t really look forward to your time together and mostly just tolerate it.
- You are frequently worried about how things will go or feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re together.
- You frequently complain to others about your relationship or more complaints than compliments about it.
- The relationship creates significant insecurity for you or makes you doubt your own self-worth or view of reality.
- It prevents you from engaging in other healthy relationships or makes you feel unlovable.
- The relationship is a constant source of distress that prevents you from being productive in your life.
- If a person tells you that you’re lucky to have them and no one else would want you, that’s a really good sign that the relationship is toxic; people may manipulate your low self-esteem and insecurities to serve their needs.
- You find yourself daydreaming about something taking this person out of your life.
- The relationship with this person causes a lot of distress in other, healthier relationships in your life.
- There is emotional, physical, financial, or sexual abuse, neglect, or exploitation.
- You are staying in the relationship mostly to avoid being alone.
- You feel like you can’t be yourself around the person or that you’ve changed for the worse since the person has been in your life.
- You are staying in the relationship because you don’t think you deserve or won’t find a better relationship.
- You are staying in the relationship mainly because you feel like you owe the other person for your past behaviours or for how much the person has helped you.
- You are staying in the relationship because you think the other person can’t manage without your care or will hurt themselves if you leave.
- You are staying in the relationship mostly because of what it used to be or what it could be someday.
- Most of the trusted people in your life think the relationship is unhealthy or toxic for you.
- You have been working on the relationship for a long time without really seeing enough change to make you feel supported and physically and emotionally safe.
Overall, a relationship is probably toxic when the unhealthy aspects really outweigh the healthy, it’s been that way for a long time, and it’s negatively impacting your sense of self-worth or overall quality of life.
They way out of these relationships can be difficult and something you may not be able to do on your own. Finding support from friends and perhaps a counsellor can enable you to extract yourself from the relationship and also to understand what drew you into it. Sadly, the situation is unlikely to improve by staying in it. You may need to think long term – how you want to live in five years time? Your new future could start by taking action today.
Take Action Counselling offers support and counselling around Single, Dating And Relationships
www.takeactioncounselling.co.uk
(Source: Kelly E Green “20 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship” Psychology Today www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/addiction-and-relationships/202403/is-your-relationship-harmful-or-does-it-just-need-work)