Interestingly dating is a relatively modern concept. In the past you did not choose a date you “courted” to find someone who would be financially viable for you. Nichi Hodgson, author of The Curious History of Dating, explains that up until 1870, “women couldn’t keep property or money or goods they inherited upon marriage”, until a law was passed which changed this. “Because they had to give everything to the person they’re married to, it really mattered that the person they married… wasn’t going spend the family fortune.” Also, historically, divorces could only be granted by the King, so unless you were very well-connected, it was vital that you wouldn’t come to regret your marriage further down the line. However during the “Enlightenment”, (This refers to an the intellectual and philosophical movement that occurred in Europe in the 17th and the 18th centuries) that all began to change. Queen Victoria married Prince Albert, who was a love match – this in particular created a new public perception of marrying for love. (Source: Short History of Dating: www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/articles/ztrptrd) Even after that though there was lots of rules to be obeyed regarding chaperones, calling cards and family agreement to any match. World War One changed a lot for women as they were required to work in the arms factories giving them more freedom, this followed with a period of having more opportunities to travel alone and prospects of meeting people. However it was in the 1960s there was a much more dramatic breaking down of social and cultural barriers of who you could meet and have a relationship with. Now of course with the web and dating apps the pool is so so wide – perhaps a little too wide? With so much choice decision making becomes not just exciting but hugely stressful and potentially incredibly rejecting and even cruel. For more support and understanding around dating you may like to attend our workshop in November or our eight week course. Email us for more information at rebecca@takeactioncounselling.co.uk
