According to Brené Brown, author of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage, floodlighting occurs when we share too much information about ourselves and our lives in an attempt to protect ourselves from real vulnerability. “Oversharing? Not vulnerability,” she said. “I call it floodlighting.”“Floodlighting in dating is about using vulnerability as a high-intensity spotlight,” Jessica Alderson, co-founder of the dating app So Synced, told Glamour Magazine . “It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once — to test the waters, speed up intimacy, or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you.” On one hand, I view this as some sort of reassurance-seeking compulsion rather than an intentionally manipulative tactic. On the other hand, I can see some people using it as a way to force or rush intimacy with another person”. Some of the signs of floodlighting include quick and early disclosure of detailed personal information, an unbalanced exchange of said information, a fast and intense emotional connection, and a close analysis of reactions to shared information.
For example, say you meet someone from a dating app and grab drinks a few days after connecting. On the date, you begin to talk about your childhood, sharing details about your parents’ divorce and other traumas. You then expand about how this impacts you today, e.g. makes you doubt love and loyalty, causes insecurities in dating, etc. All the while, you’re closely reading the other person’s reactions to determine whether they can “handle” you, testing their boundaries and how much they’re willing to accept.
This might seem like a common first date to some people, but the urgency to overshare personal information and trauma dump on other person is not healthy and can be done with oftentimes subconscious, intent to push the relationship very fast forward.
If you find yourself doing this or being on the receiving end of this, you might want to explore the reasons and get to the root of this behaviour. Remember we all want to but you can’t cheat time when it comes to dating and relationships! Time is Your Friend. If you find yourself overwhelmed by your dates disclosures and emotional intensity in the first meeting, it may be helpful to step back and go into pause mode. Too much and too soon – could be a sign that this relationship is not a healthy one. Check out with your friends what they think. Also, if this is a pattern that you find yourself doing or on the receiving end of reach out for some professional help at Take Action Counselling we could be able to give you some support.. Email us at rebecca@takeactioncounselling.co.uk
(Source: https://www.vice.com/en/article/floodlighting-is-the-new-toxic-dating-trend/)