Feeling snappy? Boss getting on your nerves? Partner says all the wrong things?
Let’s look at some ways to stop arguments escalating. Here is some great help form Dr Pat LaDouceur in her article “5 Ways To Stop An Argument In Less Than A Minute”
Is Arguing Bad?
Firstly, disagreements and conflicts aren’t always bad. Some of them can be productive and lead to a healthier relationship moving forward. However, it’s important to understand the difference between constructive discussions and harmful arguments. Constructive discussions prioritize mutual understanding, collaborative problem-solving and understanding a different point of view. These promote trust. Harmful arguments often involve a win-lose mentality, characterized by personal attacks, blame, and a negative emotional tone, leading to unresolved conflicts and strained relationships. These promote distrust.
Our Body Responds To The Tension
Scientific research suggests that during arguments, immediate emotional responses include heightened activation of the amygdala, (the part of the brain associated with emotional regulation), indicating an acute stress response. It also releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which causes muscle tension, increased blood pressure, and increased heart rate.
We can also become emotional flooded during an argument feeling seemingly overwhelming emotions- which also hinder our ability to think rationally. This then is not an ideal time to resolve conflict with someone because when you are in a stressful, activated state, you won’t be able to think clearly, resolve conflict, and offer logical solutions
Stepping Back From The Brink
Here are Five simple statements from Dr Pat LaDouceur you can use that could stop a situation escalating:
Statement One: Let Me Think About That
This works because it buys time. When you’re arguing, your body prepares for a fight: your heart rate goes up, your blood pressure increases – you drop into fight-or-flight mode. Taking time to think allows your body to calm down. It also sends a message that you care enough to at least consider someone else’s point of view, which could be calming for the other person in the argument.
Statement Two: You May Be Right
This works because it shows willingness to compromise. This signal could also soften the other person’s position and could allow them to take a step back as well. However, remember you are not agreeing that the other person is right. You’re only acknowledging that there might be something to their point of view, and implying that you’ll consider what they said.
Statement Three: I Understand
This can work because it offers empathy. It can also stop an argument by changing its direction – trying to understand someone else’s point of view isn’t an argument. It’s important to remember that understanding doesn’t mean you agree and understanding doesn’t mean you have to solve the problem.
Statement Four: I’m Sorry
Many people are reluctant to apologize, fearing that an apology is an admission of guilt and an acceptance of complete responsibility. More often, though, apologies mean owning some part of the responsibility for example, “I’m sorry my comment came across that way. It’s not what I meant.” Occasionally an apology is an admission of responsibility for example, “You’re right, I didn’t get the job I promised done on time. I’ll do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Statement Five: Can We Take A Break Now And Come Back Later?
If the argument feels like it is escalating or going on too long without any type of resolution, this is an effective way to stop the conversation—at least in the short term. Express that you think it would be a good idea to take a step back, process, and cool down before returning to the conversation with a fresh perspective.
Don’t Look To Win!
Instead of looking at arguments with a “Win Or Loose” mentality perhaps you can shift your thinking from “One of Us Has to Win,” to “Let’s Take Some Time with This.”
This enables you to buy time, show willingness to compromise, offer empathy, or own part of the problem. These strategies can be the basis of good communication. When the object of the game is to stop arguing, both players can win.
(Source https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/5-ways-to-stop-an-argument-in-less-than-a-minute)
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